


Did you forget?

by Rozzlynn



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Withdrawn Consent Ignored, glorification of death, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rozzlynn/pseuds/Rozzlynn
Summary: When Georgie opened the door to her dorm room, Alex was standing on the welcome mat. Georgie spent a split-second wondering why her girlfriend was waiting there instead of making herself at home. She spent the next few seconds wondering whether she was hallucinating.
Relationships: Georgie Barker/Alex Brooke
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4
Collections: Consent Issues Exchange 2020





	Did you forget?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nelja-in-English (Nelja)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nelja/gifts).



> Here's a late CIEX treat for Nelja!

Georgie shifted both bags of groceries into one hand, fished her keys out of her coat pocket, and opened the door to her dorm room. 

Alex was standing on the welcome mat. Georgie spent a split-second wondering why her girlfriend was waiting there instead of making herself at home. She spent the next few seconds wondering whether she was hallucinating. Her meds weren't supposed to cause hallucinations. 

"Alex? What are you doing here?" Georgie asked, stepping closer. 

Those eyes were just as she'd last seen them. Glassy and lifeless, as if something essential had been snuffed out, even as they followed her movements. There was a grey undertone to her skin, and when Georgie reached out to touch her cheek, it was slightly too cold, as if she'd been out for too long in the brisk February air and hadn't yet warmed up. Or as if she was a corpse that had just started to cool.

Her dark hair was as short as ever, but missing the usual neon highlights. A black dress covered her from neck to ankle, adorned with layers of ruffles. Her black tights and formal shoes were a far cry from the jeans and boots she used to wear. All in all, she looked as if she'd just stepped out of her own funeral. 

"Come on, let's talk inside," Georgie added, shifting her hand to Alex's shoulder and nudging her out of the doorway. Alex stepped back without replying. 

After locking the door, Georgie set her bags down on the desk, then perched on the edge of the bed, patting the space beside her. She decided against removing her coat; she might need to go out again soon, if Alex needed help. 

After a few seconds of silence, Alex walked over and sat next to her. 

"What happened to you?" Georgie asked. "I tried to get in touch with your parents, last year. They'd gotten a call from the university, just like my family, but when they got to the hospital, there was no evidence that you'd ever been admitted. I don't remember the aftermath, myself. Did you make it home since then?"

Alex slowly shook her head, staring into her eyes the whole time.

"Where have you been, then? I've missed you, lately. I mean, since I remembered how to miss anything."

Alex continued staring silently. Georgie reached over and rubbed her arm in what she hoped was a comforting gesture, reminding herself to smile. Clearly, she'd need to show some patience.

"It's okay if you're finding it hard to talk," Georgie told her. "I struggled with that too, for a while. Everything felt pointless, so there was nothing to say, even when people seemed to expect something. I wasn't sure why they didn't already understand that nothing mattered enough to discuss. Part of me wanted to explain, but that seemed as pointless as anything else. 

I got past it, though. I managed to tune in to the sensations that make up everyday life. I built up likes and dislikes again, pretty much from scratch. I like being warm. I don't like being hungry. I like hugs. I don't like upsetting my parents. Communication started to feel worthwhile in the moment, even though I know it won't make any difference by the time we're all dead and gone. I want to live, even if it won't last forever. I want to be happy. Do you understand, Alex? I want you to be happy too."

"You want to live." Alex spoke in a quiet and flat tone that somehow managed to convey a great deal of disdain for that idea.

"Yes, I do. I know it can be worthwhile," Georgie insisted.

Alex shook her head, and leaned in slightly closer. "We're already dead. Did you forget?"

Georgie frowned, and stifled a snappish response. She'd needed time to adjust last year, and it had never helped when people had gotten irritated at her.

"This is a second chance, Alex. Whatever you want to call what happened... I haven't completely forgotten, but the memories have started to fade. I didn't have space in my head for anything else until I managed to stop thinking about it all the time."

Alex offered her a faint smile. "It doesn't matter if you're forgetting. I'm here to remind you."

"I don't need a reminder," Georgie told her, unable to suppress her irritation this time. "You need a chance to recover. I can help you, if you'll let me."

Alex leaned in even closer, until their lips were barely an inch apart, her breath ghosting over her skin. 

Georgie closed the distance for a quick kiss, then leaned back to meet her gaze.

"That's a good start." Georgie found herself smiling again. "How did you get in here, anyway? Did you steal a key?"

Alex stared at her silently.

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," Georgie assured her. "Wherever you've been... If you're in trouble, you can stay with me. You should contact your family, if it's safe to do so, but I'll let you make that call. If you're not ready to tell me what happened, we can just focus on keeping you safe and well."

Alex didn't reply, so Georgie patted her shoulder, went to hang up her coat, then headed over to the desk to sort out her shopping.

"Do you want a drink?" Georgie asked, setting out an assortment of soft drinks, crisps and biscuits. "You're welcome to any of this. Or I could get you a glass of water from the kitchen, or a hot drink. There's some communal cocoa powder in the cupboards, and a few different kinds of tea."

This didn't prompt a response, so Georgie picked out a can of lemonade and a pack of prawn cocktail crisps, and set them next to Alex on the bed.

"You used to like these, right? Try them and tell me if you still do," Georgie suggested. "I don't usually buy this much junk food, but I'm hosting a study session in about half an hour. I could call it off, if you're not feeling up to much, but if you'd like to meet my friends, I could introduce you."

Alex still didn't offer an opinion. If she didn't want to talk, sleep, or go out, then it might be good for her to meet a few more friendly faces.

"It won't be a huge crowd," Georgie added. "Just Tracy, Natalie, Jon and Greg, from my course. Natalie and Greg went on gap years, so they're about my age, but the others are a year younger. I'll grab my laptop and show you some photos."

Georgie dragged the desk chair over as a laptop stand, then spent the next half hour showing off photos of her classmates, photos of their pets back home, and a selection of online cat videos. 

"Aww, look, he's letting the kittens climb all over him..." Georgie glanced at her girlfriend, but she was still staring impassively at the screen. 

When Georgie's phone buzzed, she paused the video and checked her messages. 

"The others met up for a drink, and now they're on their way here. Remember, if you get tired or need some space, we can call it a night anytime. They won't mind leaving early. But there's usually a nice atmosphere at these sessions, and I think it'll do you some good. You can keep hold of the laptop and browse if you don't feel like making conversation. Sometimes it's relaxing just to be around other people."

Georgie wedged the door open, and went to fetch a jug of water and a stack of plastic cups from the kitchen. The others showed up just as she finished shifting things around on the desk. 

"Hi, glad you could make it. Come on in." Georgie tried to wave her friends into the room, but they lingered in the doorway, staring uncomfortably at Alex. 

"Uh..." Natalie fiddled with her phone, then glanced back down the hallway. "Sorry, bad timing, but something's just come up. I... I should go."

"Oh, okay. Talk later?" 

Natalie gave her a tense nod before leaving. The others glanced back and forth, looking hesitant.

"This is Alex, by the way. A friend who dropped out last year. I hope you don't mind if she joins us." Georgie figured this was the quickest and easiest explanation, least likely to prompt questions about a crisis that she didn't want to discuss with everyone.

"Hi, Alex. I'm Greg. Nice to meet you, I guess?" 

Greg stepped into the room with a strained smile plastered to his face. Jon followed at his heels, and together they made a beeline for the snacks. 

"Is everything alright, Tracy?" Georgie checked.

"Oh... y-yeah..." 

"Did you bring your coursework?"

"Yeah. Uh, is she...?"

"What?"

"...N-nevermind."

Tracy glanced around the room, and went to lean against the edge of the desk. 

Georgie sat next to Alex again, and clasped her hand, in case she needed the moral support. The boys got settled on the floor, using the space to spread out their notes from class. 

"So, you're a friend of Georgie's? How long have you known each other?" Greg asked, speaking a little too loudly. 

An awkward silence followed. Georgie eventually figured she'd better answer for her. "We met in the second week of class, last year. We both ditched a bit of bad theatre halfway through, and went for a drink instead."

"Ah, cool. Cool." Greg glanced around, clearly giving the others a chance to join in. Tracy was staring at a piece of paper without seeming to read it, and Jon was frowning at Alex; none of them seemed inclined to speak up. "...Does anyone want to test me on my notes?"

"Sure, pass them to me." Once he'd handed over his notebook, Georgie skimmed the page. "...What do Gildas, Bede, and Nennius have in common?"

"They're all dead," Alex announced.

"Besides that, right?" Greg tried to laugh, but gave up pretty quickly.

"Yeah, besides that," Georgie confirmed, running a finger over the notes.

"Ah, could I talk to you? Outside?" Jon asked, catching her gaze.

"Sure." Georgie squeezed Alex's hand before letting go. "We'll be right back."

While Jon headed for the door, Greg scrambled to gather his papers and check his phone. 

"Uh, sorry, but I should call it an early night. There's a, a thing I forgot - "

"Sure there is." Georgie glared at Greg as he left. 

Tracy didn't seem to be in a hurry to go anywhere, at least, still staring intently at her coursework. 

Georgie sighed and joined Jon in the hallway, closing the door behind her. "So, what's up?"

Jon hesitated, glancing at the door. "I - I hope this doesn't sound too odd, but... s-something doesn't seem right, so I thought I should check, uh.... Are you... you're not..."

"What?"

"Is she controlling you?" Jon asked, the words slipping out in a rush. 

Georgie laughed in surprise, feeling slightly guilty when he startled at her reaction.

"No. Not at all," she assured him. "If anything, I'm the one being a bit pushy. She's been ill since last year, and I'm trying to look after her while she's here."

"Oh. Right. She's ill, that's..." Jon sighed, looking marginally more relaxed. "Well, if you can laugh about it, then it's not what I thought."

"What did you think it was?"

"I - I'm not even entirely sure, to be honest. Nevermind, let's head back inside." 

When they stepped back into the room, she noticed that Alex had joined Tracy by the desk. 

Tracy was frozen to the spot. Alex was leaning in, as if to speak in her ear. 

In the time it took Georgie to cross the room, she heard Alex whisper a familiar few words.

"The moment that you d- "

Georgie clapped a hand over Alex's mouth and pulled her out of Tracy's personal space.

"Sorry, party's over," Georgie announced. "I need to have a word with Alex. You two get home safely, alright? I'll see you tomorrow."

Tracy didn't move until Jon tugged at her wrist, and then she rushed past him to the door.

Jon followed her for a few steps, then hesitated, casting a worried look over his shoulder. "Are you sure - "

"Give us some space, please," Georgie insisted. Alex wasn't fighting her, but she couldn't exactly stand around covering her mouth for the rest of the night.

Jon nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

Once they had the place to themselves, Georgie let go of her girlfriend.

"What the hell was that?" Georgie demanded, glaring daggers at her.

"We were just talking," Alex replied, in an innocent tone that didn't quite match the faint smile on her face.

"No, you weren't just talking. You were scaring her." 

"If the truth scares her, is that my fault?" Alex asked, as if things were that simple. 

"Yes. You know what it did to us. Some things hurt too much to think about while you're trying to function." 

"If talking hurts, why don't you mind talking to me?" 

"You can't hurt me," Georgie replied dismissively.

Alex's eyes glinted as her face set in an expression that Georgie recognised as _'challenge accepted'_. She'd never gotten that way about anything malicious before.

Georgie shoved her back a step, angrier than she could stand to feel. "Stop being contrary. Don't hurt my friends. Don't hurt _anyone_."

"Why are you trying so hard to function? To stifle the truth?" Alex asked mildly.

Georgie gritted her teeth, trying to think of a fresh argument instead of repeating herself in frustration. 

"You don't need to worry about anything anymore," Alex added. "Isn't that why people envy the dead? You don't need to play at being human, as if you haven't known closure."

"Why did you come back to me, if you've already got closure?"

"To serve the power that ends all. I'm beyond suffering, so I'm sent to offer others the same release."

"Fuck. That's... that's not you. Listen to yourself, Alex. You used to care, you never saw the point of giving up..."

"And then I died."

"No." Georgie stepped in close, grabbing her arms. "You can still live. So long as you can think, you can change. If there's anything that still matters to you..." 

Georgie kissed her, a desperate press of lips that deepened into slick softness and the scent of skin. Alex was cooler than she ought to be, but her taste was perfectly familiar. In the months they'd spent together, she'd lost count of the times they'd kissed - leaning against each other at a bar, getting distracted in the library, curling up together in bed. She'd lost count, but it hadn't been enough. Her mind used to drift during quiet moments, wondering whether they'd still be together in their twenties and beyond, building a life for themselves.

Now she could wonder whether they'd still be together tomorrow.

When she broke the kiss, she reached up to stroke Alex's face as she searched for affection in her eyes.

"We love each other, remember?" Georgie truly hoped she only needed a reminder. "I'm here for you, no matter what you've been through, so let's be good to each other."

She pulled Alex towards the bed, stepping backwards until her legs hit the mattress. 

She hadn't gotten together with anyone else, since losing her. Thinking about dating had reminded her of Alex. Thinking back on their relationship had left her feeling numb, and no matter how carefully she'd analysed that feeling, she hadn't been able to tell whether it was a stage of healthy grief, or a relapse into indifference. 

When she fell back onto the bed, she landed on an unopened can - probably the lemonade from earlier - and winced as it dug into her ribs. Before she could shift away, Alex straddled her hips and pinned her wrists above her head.

"Hang on, let me get comfortable..."

Alex cut her off by leaning down for another kiss. Georgie indulged her for a few moments, then twisted her head away.

"Seriously, let go, just give me a minute."

Keeping her wrists pinned with one hand, Alex shifted back and pressed a knee between Georgie's legs. Her free hand slid under her clothes, kneading her chest. 

"That's... wait..." Georgie stifled a moan as the pressure started doing warm things to her insides. Alex squeezed too hard, making her gasp. "Not so... that hurt."

"I thought you said I couldn't hurt you," Alex reminded her.

"You don't have to prove a point, just..." Georgie tried to wriggle away, but she still didn't let go. "Please, let's stop, get comfortable, and try something different." 

Alex dug her nails in, eliciting another gasp. 

"What do you feel? Is it too much? You know you don't need to feel anything you don't want to," Alex told her.

"I want to feel you, I want to be with you, but it doesn't need to hurt. You don't need to force it, please." Georgie tried to pick her words carefully, showing her irritation without snapping, though the warm ache of pleasure was making it hard to follow a train of thought, even interlaced with more pain than she liked.

"Aren't you enjoying yourself? If you want to live, it'll hurt sometimes. Isn't it worthwhile, so long as it's not all bad?"

"Ngh..."

"What's the best part of sex? The pleasure that crowds out all other thoughts in your head? You can leave yourself behind, if only temporarily. Free yourself from your mortal worries, chasing something transcendent. A preview of a permanent and inevitable blessing. Death is a relief. Let go, and you'll understand."

Her hips twitched, grinding up against her knee. How could she want more, even while she was upset? Alex listened to her sometimes, even today, so it was still worth talking to her. "Don't kill me. That's not what I want."

"How could I kill you when you're already dead? You'll find relief as soon as you accept it as your due."

"I... ah..." Georgie closed her eyes, sick of the merciless expression on a face that used to look at her with love. Pleasure washed through her, heightened by an edge of pain. Maybe she could let it distract her from her heartbreak, but she didn't want to lose herself. Not even for a moment. 

She hissed a breath between her teeth when the friction lost its appeal against oversensitive skin. Alex started peeling off their clothes. Georgie managed to roll away from the drink that she'd been lying on. Was there anything left to say?

Alex slipped a hand between her own legs as she started licking Georgie's clit. No matter what she said, she clearly had her own desires, and wouldn't if she were truly dead. Georgie tried to consider her options, but kept circling back to the same conclusion. 

_If I fight or shout, either it won't accomplish anything, or she'll leave me before I can convince her to live. Losing her again would be worse than this. My best option is to wait it out._

Every touch fuelled the warmth that had her gasping for breath, her vision hazy with unshed tears. She let Alex position her as she pleased, resigned to compliance. Her mind drifted further from coherent thought when she brought her to another peak. Moans spilled past her lips unhindered.

Afterwards, she pulled at Alex's arms until she shifted up the bed to lie next to her. 

Georgie curled her heavy limbs around her partner, and took a few moments to gather her thoughts before whispering in her ear. "Please stay. I wish you'd listened, but I still love you. I still want to live. You can enjoy this too, can't you? Staying with me."

Alex rested in her arms. Georgie nuzzled closer, wishing she could believe her own words. She wanted to wake up with a girlfriend worth loving.

In the morning, she woke up alone in bed. She wished she could feel surprised. 

There was a note from Alex on the desk.

_'If you won't listen, I'll find those who will.'_

She binned the note, found her phone, and resigned herself to a morning of calling and emailing everyone she knew, warning them not to speak to Alex if she ever showed up at their door. She was a missing person. Dangerous, and seriously ill. The authorities could deal with her. 

What more could she have done? She'd been fighting a losing battle, trying to offer a second chance to someone who didn't want one. She wouldn't make that mistake again.


End file.
